Have you ever found yourself endlessly chasing after someone who doesn’t seem to want you?
You wait for their text, their call, their smallest sign of affection. And the less they give, the more obsessed you become. It almost feels like your heart is running on a treadmill that never stops—no matter how much you chase, you never arrive.
This painful paradox has a name in psychology: the scarcity effect.
When something feels rare, unpredictable, or just out of reach, our brain starts assigning it greater value. The person who withholds love, suddenly, becomes more precious in our eyes. Not because they are better for us—but because our nervous system interprets their inconsistency as a challenge, a prize, a reward we must earn.
But the truth is deeper.
Often, this cycle begins in childhood. If love was inconsistent when you were young—if care came with conditions, if warmth was sometimes present and sometimes withdrawn—your nervous system may have learned that love is not steady, but uncertain. Longing becomes part of love itself. The ache feels familiar. The rejection, instead of pushing you away, pulls you closer.
This is why people sometimes become addicted not to the person, but to the emotional rollercoaster that person creates. The silence, the distance, the crumbs of attention—they all activate the same circuits of craving and reward that fuel addictions. And so you chase harder, not because they’re giving you more, but precisely because they’re giving you less.
Here’s the painful truth:
When you keep chasing love that rejects you, you’re not really chasing them. You’re chasing the echo of an old wound, the unfinished story of a younger version of yourself who still waits for love to arrive, fully and unconditionally.
So how do you break free?
It starts with a shift in perspective. Instead of asking, “Why don’t they love me?”—ask, “Why am I giving my love to someone who cannot hold it?”
Healing begins when you stop confusing rejection with romance, and start recognizing that your worth is not negotiable.
Healthy love is not built on longing, anxiety, or the constant fear of being abandoned. Real love is steady. It is reciprocal. It doesn’t make you beg for attention or interpret silence as punishment. It chooses you back—fully, consistently, without games.
So if you find yourself caught in this cycle, remember:
Longing is not love. Crumbs of affection are not enough. You deserve more than someone who makes you prove your value again and again.
True love doesn’t hide. It doesn’t punish. It doesn’t make you smaller.
It meets you where you are, embraces you fully, and stays.
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#Psychology #Relationships #LoveAndRejection #AttachmentStyles #TraumaHealing #EmotionalHealth #SelfWorth #PsychologicalNet
Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or psychiatric advice. Please consult a licensed health professional for personal support.
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